So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
