I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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