It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
