after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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