She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
