dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If that was your dad, he is hot
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
