She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
