We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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