He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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