Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
