I don't think brook has ever known best
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
