so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you had me at cake vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
