I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
