When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
