Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
