is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are a genius and a whore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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