you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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