my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We left the knife in your bed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
