So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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