my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
