he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
