I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
