I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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