what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
