Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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