just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
