I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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