i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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