So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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