When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
