I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
