One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
