I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
