wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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