Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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