If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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