quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
