He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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