oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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