I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
