this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
