he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
