Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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