your parents love me but you hate me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
