Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
