If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
