the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
