Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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