Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
