I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
