The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
