I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
