i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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